Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Death of a Valley Girl

I know that I have kind of stopped talking about my past and really that is the best part of my life so I wanted to tell everyone about OHIO! Yay!

Recipe for breaking a child’s spirit!
Step 1) Only allow them to stay in one place long enough to make friends and then move them... anywhere you want as long as its far away from their friends/family.
Step 2) When you move them away remember to throw away as much as possible.. You don’t want to pack/unpack it so get rid of it when you go. This will be a wonderful surprise when they go to unpack and find that their special teddy, blanket, or whatever it is has vanished.
Step 3) Remove the family pet.. Now this one is a little hard because like my sweet Missy you may have grown attached to the dog/cat as well, but if you want to completely destroy the child this must be done.
Step 4) Once you get to your new residence. Get dial up internet and even though it takes around 10 minutes for the system to log on, only allow your child 15 mins a day online. This will again break your child a little more and remind them that they are completely alone other then you.
Step 5) This is the final step and is probably the hardest step. Move in with you in laws who don’t really like your child and adores your sister/brother in laws kids. This will remind the child daily that while you love them no one else really likes them. This will be hard on you because the in laws probably don’t like you that much either. The grand parents will be the one doing step 4 and to add a little sting to your child they will allow your child’s cousins come over and play games on the comp.

NOTE: This will work best if your child is a pre teen girl and the cousins are older boys. This will remind your girl of her place... in the kitchen! Also another great thing for you to do is to work all the time. This will get you away from the in laws and allow your child to suffer alone.

NOTE 2: This must be started at birth with an older sibling or cousin treating her like she is the spawn of the earth. 
The Move
When I was 15 my parents broke the bad news to me, we were moving...again. I was devastated and had plans to run away to live with my best friend Kissie. I was adamant that I was not moving anywhere and they couldn’t make me... well guess what...they actually can make me ;( so off we moved to North Carolina. The plan was for my mom, me and our dog Missy to stay with my gma j. for awhile because the Sarg was getting stationed back overseas and I think they knew that I was never going to make it in Germany again. We packed up all of our stuff and started the drive across the bottom of the great USA! This is when I realized that what used to be a great adventure had turned into a life altering catastrophe. I cried through the first few states and then sat back to sulk. I loved my gma j but after living in Cali for so long there was no way that I would ever learn to fit back in with all of the country folk of North Carolina. I had began to prepare myself for a Hills Have Eyes type town where they would be changing the sign as we drove in to POP:323. I dreamed of old dusty Ford trucks with gun racks over the back seat and piles of dead bambi’s stacked high in the back. The thought made me cringe. I was truly terrified and knew that nothing could ever be worse then moving back to that back woods place... I was sooooo wrong!

My bad we change our mind
After the horrible drive and my parent’s searching for a house for days they decided that North Carolina just wasn’t where they wanted us to stay. I think that the Sarg was afraid that my mom would go back to her wild ways if she stayed there. So they decide to move us to OHIO with the Sarg’s parent’s..... now this is where it gets bad. After a week with my gma j I had realized North Carolina wasn’t so bad and my gma j was awesome. I could live there as long as I had Missy... The day we go to leave for Ohio I was sad and defeated but I was willing to do what needed to be done to move on with my life. I had packed up my belongings and was walking out the door with our Pomeranian Missy when my mom stops me and tells me the horrible news... The Sarg doesn’t want my grandparents to have to deal with Missy and they made up some excuse about allergies. Gma j had agreed to keep her and care for her the rest of her life. This is the dog that we got while in Germany. At this point she was around 8 years old and my baby.

The worst days of my life...Kinda
I cried all the way to Ohio..... I was alone and broken and just done with it all. I can admit it now but I think I was a bit suicidal at this point. My grandparents didn’t like me or my mom and were only taking us in because they felt an obligation to the Sarg. They were not really mean but they really knew nothing about a 15 yr old girl who had just been torn to pieces. Then one day I met the girls. There were two girls in my grandparents neighborhood that were lifesavers. Farmergal and Jewels Vern, They showed up just when I was about to break and we became fast friends (partners in crime) and lifelong sisters. I remember one time Farmergal and I were in my upstairs bedroom just being bad and smoking cigarettes and we had taken every precaution to avoid being caught when all of the sudden my 80 yr old grandparents come rushing up stairs to find out what we were doing... I still to this day don’t know how they smelled the smoke with the windows open and a towel under the door but they did.. I think they may have been spying on us.. creepy. I also remember walking into Jewels Vern’s house for the first time... My first thought was wow this place smells like pot and of course being the brat I was I vocalized that thought in front of both of Vern’s parents.. (Her dad being the one smoking the pot) She was so sheltered and good I knew at that moment that I had to teach her all the worldly things I knew (and her dad knew that he had to get me away from his baby girl) She had been smelling the smell of pot for so long that she assumed that it was her dads cigarettes and never thought anything of it. I am sure that if she never met me she would have gone on to be a teacher or something really special...but oh how fates are evil....

That's all for now I have to go pick the kid up from school... more coming soon!


  1. This was from my sister and she wanted it posted but couldnt...

    I wasent there for that part of it, I was in florida with dad, but if I was there they would have loved you compared to me, They would have hated me!!!
    Let me just say sis that you are a great writer!
    You have told me many times that you don't have any artistic talent, but writing is a form of art, so maybe you can't paint and you think your not very creative, but you are! just look at the way you put words together writing is a form of art, and takes talent, ask anyone who reads your blog and they will agree you are a truly gifted writer!!!!

  2. good for me to keep in mind before planning a giant move to another country (without the dog...)

  3. @ Jennie- Moving children to another country is hard any way you do it. My mom was supportive and we were young when we moved to Germany, I loved it there and if you make it a grand adventure then you should be ok....

    BTW to all, here is my disclaimer
    DONT TRY AT HOME!!!! :)

  4. Moving is one of life's major stressors. I've never not experienced a ridiculous amount of drama during one of my moves.

  5. As an adult I realize that moving around has given me so much in my life and I have experienced everything you could possibly think of. I love moving but I have learned that stability is a blessing when you have children. Now living happily(stabily) in the FL! Woo Hoo!