Tuesday, August 9, 2011

NO BRAIN DAMAGE! YAY! (twitch twitch)

Me in Germany
I am new to blogging bur recently I started reading blogs in my free time; (at work when I got tired of reading the same post of Facebook post) I realized that I have the craziest family on earth. We are shall I say different and it doesn’t help that I married into an upper-class huge family. (I of course had to marry the black sheep the only one who isn’t a DR, Lawyer, or business owner) Actually he is a lawn tech... I know but I’m an idiot and I was already in love before I realized that he had cousins that weren’t married.

I figure this path to punishment all started at a young age. My mother and BESTIE was divorced /remarried when I was 3 years old. She a 4'11" red head was the scariest person I have ever met, until I met my 6"3 Army step dad who with his drill sergeantesq. personality ruled with an iron will and a no nonsense attitude. He was terrifying, and kind but mostly terrifying. I remember doing situps and push ups every day after school. This was our punishment for just about anything... By the way bad idea! I refuse to work out in any way now because of course I associate it with punishment!

As a child my older sister and only biological sibling hated me. So much so that she tried to murder me on multiple occasions... I have been told stories that would turn even the strongest of stomachs. If any of these horrible acts would have been done by my child I would have sought medical expertise. My family of course are of the mindset that whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger and now get a good laugh at telling these awful stories at family gathering.These events are remembered as the good 'ol days!

Here are a few of the favorites you decide if they are truly funny or signs of a delusional child..

As my mother and father carried me through the door my sister (3 at the time) threw the biggest fit of her life, while screaming "Take IT back I don’t want IT" while cute at the time it was the beginning of the end for a sweet loving sisterhood.

Still in diapers with a sister who still thought I was the scum of the earth my sweet young mother decided it was time for a change. After removing my diaper she realized she forgot something or other in the 2nd bedroom. She ran to the other room to get it and when she got back I was nowhere to be seen. Panicked my mother raced around the room calling for me...( I am not sure what she expected I couldn’t even turn over on my own yet much less say hey lady right here). Sitting in front of the Television is my sister, my mother runs in and asks if she has seen me, of course she has been watching TV the whole time. Big sissy looks up with her big brown doe eyes and says no mommy I haven’t seen her anywhere. Not noticing the smirk on her face at the time my mother rushes back to the room of the crime and while looking starts to hear a small squeaking sound under the bed. Well there I was itty bitty me rolled up in a blanket and stuffed head first under the bed… Turns out my sister knew a bit more then her sweet smile let on… her excuse you ask? "I don’t want IT!"

My uncle Woolybooger a 500lb, 6’5” tall man with the sweetest disposition in the world remembers the first time he realized the my big sissy didn’t care for me all that much… about a year after the missing incident, Iwas just learning to sit up on my own so like my sister in the last story I was sitting in front of the TV (My question of where the hell was my mom will come up later in this Blog).  Woolybooger was watching me as the protective uncle would and notices my sister standing behind me watching TV (so he thought) as well. All of the sudden he sees her pull back her 4 year old leg with her pretty pink boots on and kick me in the back of the head…Knocking me forward onto my face....

These are just a few of the stories we look back on every family gathering. There is always lots of nervous laughing when these stories are told. I am not sure if they are laughing because they are embarrassed or if they are just so happy I made it through childhood with minimum brain damage… I guess there is a silver lining to every story…
The evil one

See ya next time folks

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